Faith...Healing

As I sit here, I realize, I have signed a contract. I made a deal. The very things that make me wonder what it’s all about are covered in the fine print. Like any contract, we usually don’t take the time to read it, we just have Faith that what’s in all those words is in our best interest.

I use to believe in reincarnation, then the idea that everything happens at the same time became more plausible, it can’t be both. There was a time in my life I didn’t question the legitimacy of this Life I ‘chose’, I simply lived it, no doubt, no fear, no questions. And like it or not, the first question leads to a litany of questions, now, I don’t mistake questions with doubt, they’re just questions, but the one that sets them in motion is “Why?”

“Why” what?, Why everything? Like a 2 year old child who asks “What’s that?” to every inanimate object, I ask “Why.” I can’t count the many books that deal with the idea that the Soul is here to heal, but that doesn’t make sense to me, my idea of Soul is omniscient, my idea of Soul is that soup from which “all at the same time” is stewing, Soul is God, if you will, give it a name, that’s what I believe. What I don’t believe is that the Soul has any healing to do, it’s not broken. So...why? Why do we allow ourselves this experience of pain and suffering, we are subjected to in this Body?

I watched a show on Faith Healing, there was a man in a wheel chair who was convinced that he was going to walk out of there, after 15 years of paralyzation, he was convinced, God told him, it was his time. Now, don’t think for a moment that I scorn his Faith, I don’t. I don’t think his healing was in the question whether he thought he could walk again, it was the realization that he doesn’t have to, to enjoy this Body he signed up for. It’s all in the fine print, it’s part of the Deal.

This Body we inhabit, it isn’t a shell that encompasses our Soul, one that we shed when  it’s “our Time”, it is a manifestation of our Soul, it is the stuff of the “Soup”, it is an ingredient, that enhances the flavor if you will. So why then is it sometimes so bitter? because this “All at the Same Time Soup” we are a part of is not of our making. We are not the Chef, we are the Soup, we don’t know how to make it, we ARE it. Our body, our Mind, our Soul, together, all of us, the people we love, the people we hate, the dogs, the cats, the leaves, the waves, all connected, all ingredients, all a part of it. Don’t we love it when we can put it into an image we can relate to? Doesn’t it make it easier when we can add imagery to our answers, to make sense of it, or more over, to accept that this experience has some semblance we can relate to? But these images are our attempt to stop the questions. They are not the answers, Faith is the answer.

Faith is not giving into something that appeases us, something that shuts out the noise, lessens the din, Faith is. Period. No questions, no answers, no dis-ease, no reason. Life was easier before I asked that first question, not simpler, just easier. What I saw when I witnessed the experience those people that came together in Faith, to be healed, was the power of Group Experience, they became a Soup, they came together, congealed, The Faith was in all of them, it wasn’t separate, it wasn’t individual, it was stirred up and mixed together, not just one person felt it, they all felt it. They all brought Faith, and Faith is what they experienced.

What then of the Healing? Well again, a question? What is your definition of “healing”? For the man who wants to walk, walking is Healing, for the woman who has Cancer, then the eradication of the disease is healing, and so on for all that came to change a physical experience that doesn’t agree with their idea of a happy life. If Healing is being rid of a physical ailment, then we have to read the fine print. Let me state that I believe that a person can have a miraculous experience that results in the sudden shift in a physical experience such as a disease that suddenly improves, or any physical anomaly  that is suddenly reversed. There is no question, for me, there. It is the why some, and not others? The answer is in the Deal. The fine print. The answer is to not question, to except, to have Faith. Faith that the experience of love and acceptance that those who gathered together for the group experience, had an experience. That’s the Healing, the joy I saw on the faces, the love that I sense in the group, that’s what they needed, that’s what they were given, the miracle, isn’t in the walking, it’s in the understanding that the broken body may not be pieced back together, but a broken Spirit can.

Spirit, a word that is sometimes used to describe our Soul, but unlike the Soul, I believe our Spirit is affected. The Soul is one, it is the membrane that connects us, the Spirit is that part of us that is affected by the conditions of the body, it is the link to our Soul, and when it is in harmony with our body, then we are one with our Soul. Spirit is our Deal. We embody it, and take charge of it, and it suffers right along with us. Until we understand that a broken Spirit hurts more than a broken bone, we will never live pain free. What Faith can heal, is our Spirit. A room full of broken bodies can rejoice and be in Peace when they allow their Spirits to Heal.

As I sit here I realize I signed a contract, I made a deal. I faithfully took charge of a Spirit that is more delicate and more resilient than flesh or bone. When my Spirit is in pain, my  body is in pain. Physical pain is a part of the Deal, it just is, but despite the pain and dis-ease, I can lift my Spirit, I can experience Joy. The only contract I have is Faith, the fine print is of my making, there is nothing to scrutinize or litigate, but the trials of existence, existence in this moment, in this body, I am here, and there is nothing else to question. I can live in doubt and with an ailing Spirit, or a I can choose to have Faith in this moment and let my Spirit be healed.

My Mothers' Mothers' Mother.

I read a book, the "Seven Daughters of Eve" Bryan Sykes. It's a rather involved book that deals with Human Mitochondrial Genetics...yea...but interesting, none the less. What I took away from the book is we can trace our maternal lineage back to one of seven women, thought of as "clan women". To further muddle this complex theory, some of these clan women are decedents of others, leading to one, one Woman, Eve.
Now in the world of genealogy we tend to follow our surname, in other words, the paternal lineage, to find our "Roots". As a matter of fact, that was my first inclination and was rather easy to do, given that men don't change there name, but I wanted to make it more complicated, I wanted to follow the maternal lineage. See, a male will carry his mother's mtDNA, but he won't pass it on to his children. So my grandson's have my daughter's, but not mine. However, my granddaughters not only have a piece of my daughter (their Mom), but they have a bit of me, and my mother, and her mother, and so on.....so that is why I want to follow all the Mothers of my lineage.

There are no real glimpses of what life was like for the woman in my family, in my research, thus far, but I am seeing bits an pieces that intrigue me...unfortunately I am stuck, I have gone only as far back as my Great, Great, Great gramma, Emeline Shively, who was born in NY in 1830, and ended up in Truckee CA, with her children and no husband.....how did she get from Indiana (where the last 3 of her children were born) to CA? It happened sometime between 1860 and 1870, in the 1860 census her husband was alive and they were in IN, and by the 1870 census, she was in Meadow Lake CA, with her 2 younger children and her married daughters family (My Great, Great Gramma). Did she travel across the country with 2 young children, by herself? to be closer to her daughter, after the loss of her husband? Did her husband make it out there and pass away? or did he die en route? It seems so intriguing...But I want to know who she was, I want to find her maiden name to see where she grew up and under what conditions....and what of her Mother? She would have been born in the early 1800's, where did she come from?.....my search continues.
At some point I'd like to write the story of these women. And I am hoping that it won't take too long. Wish me luck. Here's my Tree, if you want to look; http://trees.ancestry.com/tree/16703919/family